PERSPECTIVES OF EMPATHY

Speaking of empathy from a professional perspective (unattached):

What do you mean by empathy? It is an art to understand other’s feelings; to enter in someone’s shoes and understand exactly how the other person is feeling. It’s difficult sometimes to get the exact knowledge of it. It requires open mindedness and a great deal of variation in your perspectives. You cannot be empathetic unless you’re sensitive and sympathetic towards others. The ability to detect and perceive even the smallest change in a situation shows a person's high sense of sensitivity. It happens to us almost everyday with our close people. Just a small change in their moods or in the way they usually talk makes us understand that something is wrong. That is the sensitivity we have built towards them and also what this world requires more; to be understood! As soon as we become sensitive, we become sympathetic, we try to share other’s feelings, feel kinda sad for their sorrows. We generally say that we don’t like sympathy or that we aren’t sympathy seekers but somewhere an optimal level of sympathy is necessary to be felt that we are understood. It cultivates a sense of belongingness within us which is really important as social beings. Finally comes empathy which is more deeper, absorbing process in which we are trying to imagine what the other person is feeling or going through. We as people are born and acquired with certain 'schema'- as given by a famous psychologist Jean Piaget. It means that we have a certain set of mental representations of the world which we use to understand people and situations around us. Empathy requires a skill where you need the ability to step back a little from your own schema and enter in another person’s world, it is a skill in which you need to keep aside your own perspectives and understand other’s perspectives in a non judgmental way and from an extremely safe distance. From safe distance we mean that never lose yourself in understanding someone else, be aware of the level of your own involvement too. Hearing and understanding so many different perspectives which are generally about stressful events, leaves you mentally exhausted. It involves flow of a lot of energies and specifically negative energy because understanding others is as good as absorbing them, just like a sponge absorbing water. It's like a dilemma between making yourself completely available and protecting yourself. This generally makes you very virtuous, friendly and loving person who people tend to look for in their lives. But this process accompanies a risk of getting attached to the empath. Or a vice versa situation can also occur if the person who you are listening to shares a past which is closely similar to yours. In that situation you may get triggered as it reminds you of your own past sufferings. It's very natural to get emotional at that time but managing your own emotions, not getting biased and keeping the attachment factor at bay is essential. Here comes the role of emotional intelligence of which we will speak in detail in future. So overall listening to someone involves a wear and tear of emotions where all the negativity thrives in, and therefore you should know how to take care of yourself in this process and always have some source of positivity in life. This perspective is more important from a point of view of a counselor.

Speaking of empathy from an emotional perspective (attached):

This is a perspective where empath itself is emotionally attached to some people in his life and trying to understand their problems. The frequency of stressful events is increasing day by day. We all have at least one person in our life who we can trust and share everything with. Having such kind of bonds where understanding someone and to be understood by them is truly a blessing. It’s like a privilege to know someone on a deeper level, it’s a privilege that a person allowed you to reach that fragile part of their soul, it’s a privilege to be trustworthy; empathy is a product of these privileges- be privileged! But when these privileges are shunt don’t you feel like your soul which almost united with their soul is now ripping apart? Yes, this generally happens with people you’re attached to. You get hurt if they get hurt, you laugh when they laugh, you cry if they cry and it hurts when that kind of a relationship ends. It feels bad that you are no more their go to person which doesn't happen to that extent in the professional perspective. It's a risky process because we all are temporary beings but shouldn't we always 'LOVE ENOUGH TO LET GO'?

We are not going to live with our significant others, parents or friends forever and maintaining that safe distance what I spoke of earlier doesn't always occur when you completely devote yourself to some people in your life. The feeling of loving your people and getting love from them touches some of the most fragile parts in you. Having empathy for such people comes quite naturally and easily. You quickly are able to understand what exactly that person is feeling because you know how they are, you are at a place where you proudly say "I know him/her very well and I understand their feelings". That way everyone in this world is an emapth. But in this case protecting yourself is a little more difficult as you are vulnerable when you are deeply attached. Having a skill where you know how to control your feelings and how to make your person feel better really helps you. Even if this perspective is a little different from the earlier one you should still never lose yourself in anyway. Being a little detached or in easy words being simply practical is always better than investing a whole lot of energy to get yourself back. Trying to maintain that safe balance between emotions and logic before your emotions take over and start controlling you is the key. A good empath is always aware of himself and knows that thin line between attachment and losing yourself!